How to Apologize Like You Mean It

“I am really so…”

A man feeling so sorry
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

“Sorry” is a term used and abused all over the world. Every now and then we mess up and do something to make our loved ones angry, it can be mundane or extraordinary but when we do, the way we handle it will determine how the rest of the day, or week will play out. The last thing you want is an angry lover staring at you and not talking to you just because you didn’t do your chores, or worse, not buying your apology no matter how sincere it is.


All it takes to avoid these dreary situations is knowing how to apologize. But the thing is, most of us don’t even know how to apologize properly. We often make things worse with our alpha male mentality, and on the flipside, using our natural charm inappropriately. The reason being that after a fight most of us are still emotionally charged and can’t communicate what we really mean and end up saying something dumb.

A man holding a placard that has the word "FOREGIVENESS" written on it.
Photo by Felix Koutchinski on Unsplash


Do you really have to?

Yes, you should apologize. It takes greater courage to apologize, and to admit when you are wrong. And even if you aren’t, women are sensitive to what you say – and the meaning they interpret. Match the “size” of the apology with the gravity of the wrong you did.


But I’m not wrong!

Never, ever say, “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings; I’m not wrong, but I’m sorry that you’re upset.” That is not a good apology and would give her a free pass at haunting you. An apology is never the right time to go back over who was wrong and who was right. Nor is an apology a time to defend yourself. Doing so is like blowing out the candles of someone else’s birthday cake; it isn’t about you.


Own up to it

Just apologize what you’re sorry for but be specific about it and what you could do better. Think about what you did wrong, and if you can’t, at least apologize for not being empathetic enough and ask her to tell you what you did wrong. Also, apologize for what you did, not for the result (another way to get smacked). A successful apology focuses on the results of your actions rather than what you wanted the results to be.


And last but not the least, not doing it again is the best way how to apologize, and really mean it.